A.J. Jacobs Omnibus by A.J. Jacobs

Author:A.J. Jacobs
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Free Press

You shall not wrong a stranger or oppress him…

—EXODUS 22:21

Day 46. Tonight I invited a Jehovah’s Witness into my home. I realize that this fact already puts me in an extreme minority.

And, mind you, I didn’t just idly answer the door and let a Jehovah’s Witness inside. I aggressively pursued the Jehovah’s Witnesses. I phoned the headquarters and requested that a Jehovah’s Witness be sent to my apartment. After three calls and not a little confusion on their part—it’s not a common inquiry—I finally got my wish.

Yes, I’m aware that it doesn’t make much sense. It’s like volunteering for jury duty or paying to see a Vin Diesel movie.

OK, enough! The poor Jehovah’s Witnesses. Their zeal for ringing doorbells have made them one of America’s favorite religious punch lines. So I promise: No more cheap Jehovah’s Witness jokes.

But I do want to know more about the Jehovah’s Witnesses and what they really stand for. Because they are perhaps the fastest-growing biblical literalists in the world. Their current membership stands at more than 6.6 million, with about 300,000 new converts a year. They’re also interesting to me because they are usually classified as Christian, but, like the Amish, they lean heavily on the Hebrew Scriptures.

My Jehovah’s Witness is named Michael, and he arrives right on the dot, at 7:30 p.m. He wears a brown suit, brown shoes, brown tie, and carries a brown leather case holding a Bible and a pamphlet. He looks somewhat like the actor Gary Busey, if Gary Busey had his hair parted in the middle.

Michael is warm and likeable. He has a deep voice, but it is more soothing than booming, more shrink than football coach.

And he is grateful. So grateful it’s almost heartbreaking. He thanks me for having him over. “There are so many misconceptions about Jehovah’s Witnesses. I’m just so glad you’re talking to me to find out the truth.”

He sits on the living room couch, leaning forward, his hands in the “fish-was-this-big” posture. “People say ours is a primitive Christianity—and we take that as a compliment.” The Witnesses believe they’re getting back to the original meaning of the Bible—the booklet Michael gives me is called “What Does the Bible Really Teach?”

Michael, who works in computers at the massive Jehovah’s Witness headquarters in Brooklyn, gives me a crash course in his faith. Here, some of the highlights of the belief (vastly oversimplified, of course):

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